Negotiating with children aged up to three may seem difficult, but this is when the foundations of communication and relationships begin to form. Although very young children cannot take part in complex discussions, offering simple choices and responding to their cues can help foster mutual respect and early problem-solving skills.
Why is it worth negotiating with a baby or young child?
Although children of this age cannot yet express all their needs in words, it is worth beginning to communicate with them consciously and responsibly. This approach teaches them to understand their emotions, builds trust and creates a sense of security. A child who is treated with respect develops the ability to cooperate and gains a better understanding of boundaries.
Basic Principles for Negotiating with Young Children
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Simple Choices
For children aged up to three, simple choices are important. Instead of saying, ‘Put on this top’, you might ask, ‘Would you like to wear the red top or the blue one?’ Small, age-appropriate choices can give a child a sense of participation and growing autonomy.
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Understanding emotions
Children of this age often experience strong emotions, such as frustration or anger, but cannot express them fully. It is important for the parent to understand what may lie behind a particular behaviour. Phrases such as ‘I can see that you may be upset’ or ‘I understand that you may be tired’ help the child feel understood.
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Setting Boundaries
Although children of this age cannot yet fully understand the concept of boundaries, it is important for those boundaries to be clear and applied consistently. Explain to the child why certain things are important: ‘We need to have a bath now because it will help you relax and sleep better.’
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Allowing Time to Respond
Young children may need time to understand a situation and make a choice. Instead of expecting an immediate response, give them a moment to process the information and think. This can be a period of calm reflection before deciding.
When we negotiate with children in an age-appropriate way, we give them opportunities to learn skills such as:
- properly expressing thoughts and expectations
- communicating one's needs clearly
- developing the skill or gift of persuasion
- perseverance in working towards a goal
- using the full range of verbal and non-verbal communication
- resolving conflicts through communication and agreement.
When is there no point in negotiating?
With babies and very young children, some situations require an immediate decision. Sometimes we simply have to act without waiting for a conversation. At such moments, it is important to remain calm and confident so that the child feels cared for and understood, even when negotiation is not possible.
When Is It Better to Postpone Negotiations?
Sometimes the best option is to pause the negotiation and return to it later. Consider doing this when:
You or your child are too upset to have a constructive conversation
You do not have enough time to discuss the matter thoroughly
You are in a public place where it is difficult to have a calm discussion
You need more information to make a decision
In such situations, say: ‘This is important. Let's talk about it later, when we have more time and are calmer.’
Negotiation as an opportunity to build relationships
Although a child aged 0–3 does not yet hold conversations like an adult, our every action, word and response shapes their attitude towards others. How we treat their emotions and needs affects their future ability to communicate and resolve conflicts. Through positive interaction, the child feels respected, and we build a strong, healthy bond that will last for years.
Negotiating with children aged 0–3 lays the foundations for future cooperation, problem-solving and healthy relationships. Treating a young child with respect, offering simple choices, understanding emotions and setting consistent boundaries are key elements that prepare the child for independence and develop their communication skills. Although it is not always easy, every successful negotiation is a step towards a stronger bond and better mutual understanding in the future.