I've tried everything and I feel discouraged. What should I do?
In other words, how can you soothe a little one?
To activate the part of your child’s autonomic nervous system responsible for calm, you first need to calm yourself.
When possible, avoid trying to soothe a distressed child while dividing your attention between several tasks. Calm, responsive attention can help the child feel supported while their emotions and body settle.
Do things that stimulate the brain's systems to release anti-stress substances.
The source identifies three factors that it says may stimulate oxytocin release in a child's brain and help stress-hormone levels return towards baseline: touch and massage, sucking, and warmth.
Touch and massage. Most babies stop crying when they are picked up. Close physical contact regulates a child’s autonomic nervous system, activating the part responsible for maintaining calm and triggering the release of oxytocin. You can also learn infant massage techniques. Inappropriate touch can cause dysregulation and overstimulation, making the child cry even more.
Sucking. You can help the baby bring a fist towards the mouth to suck and, when developmentally appropriate, offer an age-suitable teether. The source suggests trying a dummy only if these approaches do not soothe the baby and advises against placing it in the mouth when it is not wanted. The mouth is important for communication, sound-making and safe oral exploration of objects.
The source claims that warmth triggers oxytocin release.. Keep the room at a comfortable temperature and check the baby for signs of overheating or being too cold. Comfort them with close contact while awake. A warm bath may be calming if it is safe and suitable for the baby.
A baby can be massaged from around the second week of life. It can be a good way to offer comfort and calm and may also help strengthen the bond between you. Choose a time for massage when both of you are relaxed.
Lay the baby on a soft towel. Make sure they are warm and comfortable. Begin at the back of the head and massage towards the cheeks, then the shoulders.
Gently massage the baby's whole body, moving your hands downwards. Talk to your baby during the massage and maintain warm, affectionate eye contact. If your baby loses interest, do not persist; try again the next day.
Other Strategies You Can Try
Movement and rocking. Children love rhythmic movement, especially when they are carried in someone’s arms, pushed in a pram or rocked on a large exercise ball while held by a parent. Rhythmic movement is thought to evoke associations with the safety of the womb. However, take care not to rock the baby too vigorously, as this can affect the brain in the same way as shaking and cause small blood vessels in the brain to rupture.
‘Most children stop crying when they are picked up. Close physical contact regulates the child's autonomic nervous system.’
Low-pitched sounds. You can play a recording of your heartbeat (a method that is effective when used from birth) or music at 432 Hz.
Provide the child with entertainment. This activates dopamine release. If your child is crying because they are bored, think of something they will find engaging. Keep small toys in your bag, such as finger puppets or hand puppets, to entertain your child while travelling.
Avoid overstimulation. Then move with the child to a quiet room with dim lighting.
‘Your touch helps me calm down.’
Children who are difficult to soothe
On average, one in five children is highly sensitive during the first few weeks of life. This may be due to genetic factors, stress experienced in the womb or difficulties during birth. Studies show that if a mother experiences regular stress during the last three months of pregnancy, high concentrations of the stress hormones cortisol and glutamic acid may pass through the placenta into the unborn baby’s brain.
It is therefore important to experience as much calm as possible during pregnancy. If you experience severe stress after the baby is born, the baby may cry more often. To soothe the child effectively, you may need help from family and friends.
If a baby's crying feels overwhelming, seek support so that you do not have to manage it alone. Put your baby in the pushchair and go to the park, a café or a meeting with other mothers. Isolation has an extremely negative effect on the chemical balance in the brain. It can contribute to a dramatic fall in serotonin levels, a key factor in mood stabilisation, leading to aggressive impulses. It may also cause dopamine levels to fall. Dopamine is the hormone responsible for positive arousal, so low mood may compound the worry caused by your baby's crying.
Let us be clear: comforting a baby who will not stop crying can leave anyone feeling completely exhausted. After trying everything, you may feel helpless and discouraged. The following may help:
Remember that ‘this too shall pass’. This phase usually lasts for only the first three months of life. Even so, many exhausted parents feel as though it is a life sentence.
The source describes comforting a child as a lasting gift. It presents time spent helping a child settle as an investment in the future, claiming that it regulates the child's emotional and physical systems and will help them cope better with stress later in life.
Why do I feel like shouting when my child screams?
The source describes a child's early emotional states as capable of activating one or more alarm systems in lower brain regions: RAGE, FEAR or SEPARATION DISTRESS. It also claims that high concentrations of stress hormones can inhibit the release of substances associated with positive arousal, such as dopamine and endogenous opioids.
Emilia Adamczyk