Why Is It So Important to Talk to a Child?
‘Good morning, Antek,’ you say, warmly greeting your ten-day-old son. ‘Aren't you adorable?’ Then you add, ‘You're probably wet. We'll put a nice clean nappy on you in a moment.’ You change the little one and ask again, ‘How is that? Better, right? You must be more comfortable now.’
And then a thought occurs to you: ‘It feels silly to talk like this. Antek does not understand me anyway. After all, he does not know a single word.’
Well, Antek may not know a single word, but he hears the rhythm and intonation of your voice. You are not wasting your time. He is listening to you very carefully. Whether he understands or not, it is important to talk to him, because only then will he develop as he should. Further studies show that a child’s later intelligence quotient is directly related to how often people spoke to them early in life. Antek points at something, using his secret language. You respond. And so a 'conversation' begins, one that will pay dividends later.
Psychologists Betty Hart and Todd Risley at the University of Kansas studied language interactions in a group of families. Researchers visited the families each month and recorded how parents, siblings and grandparents spoke with the children. The source says that children who heard more speech had larger vocabularies at age three and higher measured IQ scores, and that they appeared ahead of peers who experienced less adult interaction.
Talking to Children
Are you one of those people who feel awkward talking to children? Or are you simply quiet by nature? Now you know how important talking to children is, so you need to overcome your inhibitions as soon as possible and talk to your little one more often. Here are a few tips on how to overcome your own limitations:
BE YOURSELF – although some studies indicate that high-pitched maternal speech has a beneficial effect on a child’s cognitive development, speak to your little one in your normal tone of voice. Do not worry if you find this somewhat difficult or feel awkward doing it. Even a poor conversation is worth more than no conversation at all.
TALK AS YOU GO — while feeding, bathing or dressing your child, describe each stage of the activity to them. For example, say: ‘Now we'll put socks on those lovely little feet. And in a moment we'll pull on your trousers!’ Try to describe everything you do together in this way.
USE BOOKS TO BREAK THE ICE - point to the pictures and describe what you see. Do not worry about the text; it is not important yet. Colourful magazines can be used for the same purpose.
BE CURIOUS — keep asking: ‘Did you sleep well?’, ‘Where is your teddy?’ and ‘Would you like…
something to eat?’ The child will not yet answer in words, but you may communicate through gestures or facial expressions.
HIRE A CHATTERBOX - when choosing a carer with whom the child will spend part of the day, try to hire someone who is happy to talk a lot, especially if you are not much of a chatterbox yourself.
In conversations with children, it is not only the number of words that matters. What matters most are the phrases addressed directly to the child or spoken in response to their gestures or actions. Children develop best when their parents frequently comment on their little ones’ secret language and say, for example: ‘Yes, Antoś, that is your teddy! The teddy is over there! Would you like me to bring you the teddy?’ or ‘Do you like the juice, Antek? Would you like some more juice?’ It is also important how often parents address the child by name and how often they repeat it.
The source attributes to Hart and Risley the finding that children learn faster when parents use a wider variety of words. It says children benefit when caregivers use verbs, nouns, adjectives and adverbs, speak in full sentences, describe experiences and address the child directly rather than relying only on baby talk or adult conversation in the child's presence.
Parents of the children with the largest vocabularies began talking to them immediately after birth. The meaning of what they said did not matter; at first, the newborn listened only to the melody of the words and learnt how other people like them communicate with one another.
Positive messages had a stronger impact than negative ones. ‘Wonderful, Antek! You drank all your juice!’ produces a much better outcome for future development than, for example, ‘Leave that alone!’. Researchers found that in families scoring poorly on the vocabulary test, the words repeated most often were ‘No!’ and ‘You’re not allowed!’.
As one expert in the field has said, repetition is the key to successfully developing speech skills. So when you look in the direction indicated by Antek's outstretched finger, say: ‘Yes! It is a fire engine! Your fire engine! Antek wants the fire engine!’ Repeat it over and over, always pronouncing the speech sounds carefully so that Antek can add the word to his vocabulary. Similarly, when Jerzyk points at something, repeat his gesture, showing him that people also communicate their needs and thoughts through gestures. The practice of ‘mirroring’ is part of repetition, so faithfully imitate the little one's gestures and facial expressions, thereby letting him know that his signals have been received correctly. By adopting the same facial expression, you show the child who he is, what he looks like, what he is doing and even what he is feeling.
Tone of voice also conveys information. One researcher demonstrated that even if a parent smiles at a child but says something in a harsh tone, the little one will burst into tears. Conversely, if the parent frowns threateningly but speaks in a soothing, calm voice, the child will settle down.
Both words and gestures support communication between a parent and child. The child brings their secret language to this communication, expressing it through gestures, facial expressions and pointing. In this way, they try to reach you and explain their point of view. Give your little one the words they need to develop. Most importantly, listen very carefully to what your child wants to communicate. Listen not only with your ears, but also with your eyes, sense of smell and parental instinct, and with an open heart and mind. Listen and take in everything your little one wants to ‘tell’ you.
Emilia Adamczyk